So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
