I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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