I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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