I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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