omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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