I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's always time for handjobs
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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