I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
