part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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