They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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