just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
