yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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