Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
