She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
