Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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