the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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