just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
