guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i dont even know how to be here
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
