what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i drank out of a bidet.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
