Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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