No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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