Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
