You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
