Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
