You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
