I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
