My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
