Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
