remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
