he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
