Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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