Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
