Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize