Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My liver is preforming stress tests.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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