Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
