When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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