I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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