I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
