apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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