I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
