My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
