I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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