The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Randomize
