my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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