I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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