We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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