CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
