I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
