I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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