she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You ate ashes out of my bong
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
