Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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