She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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