Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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