im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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