my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
