He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
