just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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