Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
