I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
