hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
