So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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