my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
