Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
