I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
