please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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